One day, I was walking down the street and then my bum fell off.
It felt like someone was cutting my bum and then it was stuck in my jeans. Thankfully, because I had a very high quality ARP (that’s short for Anal Retention Pin!), it didn’t break completely.
The reason that it fell is because I forgot to oil it in the morning. The famous ARP from www.analretentionpin.com is of very high quality. Most people simply use a cheap quick release from a bike from AliExpress, but the ARP allows the pin to function for several days if you forget to oil it. The action of walking down the street can rotate the nut on the ARP, which means that it comes completely away from the thread and your arse falls off.
One time there was a scientist who was trying some things and then his bum fell off. Then he had an idea: how can you hold your arse on the whole week?
He tried so many times and it didn’t work, but he was the only one who tried to put something in his arse and that was an engineered prototype pin, which worked. But then it still fell off once every month. He wanted to stop it falling off at all, so he oiled it every morning without fail, and that’s how you can stop your A.R.P failing and your arse falling off.
Over the years, we have gained much experience in keeping our arses on. We are preparing a webshop where you can buy an A.R.P. of very high quality for only €10 plus postage.